![By David G Silvers. [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](https://thescepticalpoet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/julian_assange_august_2014.jpg)
By David G Silvers. [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Assange has been under threat of arrest in the UK since being accused of rape by two women in Sweden in 2010. To escape this arrest, he has been living in the Ecuadorian embassy in London for over three years, alternating between tweeting about himself in the third person on Twitter via his laptop, and crying under the couch. Extracts from his personal diary about his time in the embassy, can be found on our site here.
At first glance the petition seems ridiculous, but then who would have thought voluntarily hiding from lawful arrest could be defined as being arbitrarily detained? Other than Kim Jong-Un, no-one.
Assange has said:
“The British government has forced me against my will be detained involuntarily by myself in a building which I involuntarily walked into. This is wrong. It is also wrong that I have been accused of this offense known as ‘rape’. The truth is my penis was unlawfully detained involuntarily by myself in the vaginas of two women. This is how reality works now, and I intend to get it recognised so I can carry on releasing everybody’s secrets except my own.”
If Assange succeeds, reality will officially be recognised as having been arbitrarily detained by itself.
Other UN petitions in the pipeline include:
Tony Blair is confident of success in the latter.
![By Cstreet (Christopher G. Street), Bransgore, Dorset, England, UK. (Own work.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://thescepticalpoet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/professor_richard_dawkins_-_march_2005.jpg)
By Cstreet (Christopher G. Street), Bransgore, Dorset, England, UK. (Own work.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Earlier this week, Dawkins tweeted a link to a YouTube cartoon showing an Islamic terrorist arguing with a feminist before chopping her head off while shouting: “It’s ok, it’s a cartoon!” Alongside the link, Dawkins wrote:
“This is hilarious! LOL!!”
Immediately people began calling for Dawkins to apologise, but his supporters insist he’s being unfairly targeted:
“It’s clearly satire. You can tell because it’s a cartoon,” said @manskeptic
“The video doesn’t suggest we should kill all women, just radical feminists who annoy us #notallwomen,” said @MRAskepPUA
“It’s just a cartoon. We have free speech. You all just need to lighten up!” said @twatskep
Dawkins, on learning that the woman in the video was based on a real person, deleted the link and apologised, kind of:
“Ok, no-one should be killed, even in cartoon form. But she seems like a bitch, so it’s alright for me to find this funny.”
This bet-hedging response from Dawkins fomented more anger and ultimately led to his being disinvited from an upcoming conference. His twitter supporters weren’t happy at all:
“Dawkins is a hero. You women are just jealous. I have 122 pages of tweets at Storify.com that prove two of you were horrible to me once. It’s in no way creepy.” said @FrothyMuggingSkeptic
“This is so typical of SJWs, so easily upset over nothing. Where were you when my cat died? I have 473 pages of tweets at Storify.com that prove you only get offended by things important to you and not me.” @creepystalkerwhowontadmitit
There even appeared a video from popular YouTube atheist BlunderGu5t, which showed Richard Dawkins being crucified by a gang of screaming women.
“It’s just a video!” he screamed when criticised. “Where’s your sense of humour? Why won’t someone laugh?”
The internet storm reached its zenith when two groups of people met just this morning at the atheism conference Dawkins was originally invited to speak at. One group was made up of Dawkins supporters, the other of those critical of Dawkins. Civil at first, it soon descended into chaos, with shouts of MRA! and SJW! being hurled back and forth across the room.
Conference staff member Jenna told us:
“It was like something out of a war film. So much blood! Half of them didn’t even know what MRA or SJW stood for, let alone whether it was supposed to be an insult or not. They ended up just fighting over what the terms meant. And I swear to God someone screamed “This is for LiftGate!” and then began swinging a chair around.
“The stupid thing is, the organisers had changed their minds and rescheduled Richard Dawkins for that morning and nobody noticed. He spoke to an empty room surrounded by bodyguards. One of the bodyguards has apparently started questioning his Christian beliefs though.
“I hear there are going to be some blogs about the incident tomorrow, adding up the scores.”
The Sceptical Poet has sent requests for interviews to the main parties in these events, but has yet to receive a response.
Richard Dawkins has since quit Twitter, signing off with the tweet:
“So long, and thanks for all the shit.”
The blogosphere’s response will follow in due course.
![By James Cridland [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](https://thescepticalpoet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/jeremy_kyle_seated.jpg)
By James Cridland [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
In a first for ITV, daytime talk show mogul Jeremy Kyle has wowed audiences and critics alike with his latest indepth interview.
This week saw Jeremy Kyle interview Jeremy Kyle for The Jeremy Kyle show.
In a bid to set the record straight about his failed marriage and make some hard cash at the same time, Jeremy Kyle gave The Jeremy Kyle Show exclusive rights to his only interview.
The said interview has been described by Jeremy Kyle as:
“A no-holds-barred, right to the bone, I’m a black belt in karate don’t you know, fist probe.”
It has been described by his wife as:
“Jeremy interviewing the person he loves the most.”
The after care team were of course on hand to make sure Jeremy was taken care of and supported in his struggle to get his life back on track and:
“As always, no-one was exploited in the making of the show,” said Jeremy Kyle, the King of White Trash Exploitation.
A transcript of the interview follows:
JK: “So Jeremy, your much younger wife has been cheating on you and you want a DNA test on your gaggle of kids?”
JK: “Yes.”
JK: “Why don’t get your lazy arse to work and pay for your own DNA test?”
JK: “I am paying for this DNA test.”
JK: “Why don’t you pay maintenance to all your baby mamas? I work, and my taxes support your hundreds of kids to different women. Get off your fat backside and get a goddamn job.”
JK: “I have a job. I have your job and I don’t pay maintenance because my daughter is 22.”
JK: “So, tell me, why was your woman cheating, Jezza? What did you do to her? You must have done something, because you’re a prick, aren’t you?”
JK: “Yes.”
Shortly afterwards there were fisticuffs followed by make up sex. ITV declined to air that, insisting that you can buy the DVD if you want to watch the Jezza on Jezza action. It is believed that some footage has been sold to channel 5 on the grounds that’s while it’s beneath ITV to show it, channel 5 have no shame.
Jeremy and Jeremy have issued the following closing statement:
“We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our supporters, our manager, Gentings Casinos for agreeing to forget all the money we owe, and God, just in case he exists and looks down on our behaviour. We look forward to being on next year’s Celebrity Big Brother.
Turns out Psychic Jess failed to predict Valentine’s Day. After re-consulting her star-charts and slapping herself in the face, she has updated her reading for Aquarius to be even more unnervingly accurate.
Psychic Jess says:
This month you will find yourself complaining about the lack of snow, or that there is too much snow. You will find yourself feeling a bit better about all the money you mysteriously spent in the run up to December, yet still wake up crying in the middle of the night. If you are not careful, you may find yourself ringing up your favourite actors and musicians who are getting on a bit and asking them to look after themselves, have some chicken soup and keep the fire on in the evening. You will probably watch Star Wars at some point, or feel as if you already have as no one will shut up about it. As you are an air sign, you will probably breathe a lot this month. Or suffocate. There will be a sudden realisation that there are probably currently more glossy TV shows…
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