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Jeremy Kyle gets ‘Mugged Off’

By James Cridland [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By James Cridland [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

In a first for ITV, daytime talk show mogul Jeremy Kyle has wowed audiences and critics alike with his latest indepth interview.

This week saw Jeremy Kyle interview Jeremy Kyle for The Jeremy Kyle show.

In a bid to set the record straight about his failed marriage and make some hard cash at the same time, Jeremy Kyle gave The Jeremy Kyle Show exclusive rights to his only interview.

The said interview has been described by Jeremy Kyle as:

“A no-holds-barred, right to the bone, I’m a black belt in karate don’t you know, fist probe.”

It has been described by his wife as:

“Jeremy interviewing the person he loves the most.”

The after care team were of course on hand to make sure Jeremy was taken care of and supported in his struggle to get his life back on track and:

“As always,  no-one was exploited in the making of the show,” said Jeremy Kyle, the King of White Trash Exploitation.

A transcript of the interview follows:

JK: “So Jeremy, your much younger wife has been cheating on you and you want a DNA test on your gaggle of kids?”

 JK: “Yes.”

JK: “Why don’t get your lazy arse to work and pay for your own DNA test?”

 JK: “I am paying for this DNA test.”

 JK: “Why don’t you pay maintenance to all your baby mamas? I work, and my taxes support your hundreds of kids to different women. Get off your fat backside and get a goddamn job.”

JK: “I have a job. I have your job and I don’t pay maintenance because my daughter is 22.”

JK: “So, tell me, why was your woman cheating, Jezza? What did you do to her? You must have done something, because you’re a prick, aren’t you?”

JK: “Yes.”

Shortly afterwards there were fisticuffs followed by make up sex. ITV declined to air that, insisting that you can buy the DVD if you want to watch the Jezza on Jezza action. It is believed that some footage has been sold to channel 5 on the grounds that’s while it’s beneath ITV to show it, channel 5 have no shame.

Jeremy and Jeremy have issued the following closing statement:

“We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our supporters, our manager, Gentings Casinos for agreeing to forget all the money we owe, and God, just in case he exists and looks down on our behaviour. We look forward to being on next year’s Celebrity Big Brother.

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