Politics
Donald Trump Taps Father Christmas for Foreign Secretary
Father Christmas has been appointed to Foreign Secretary in the upcoming Trump administration. The bearded globetrotter was considered the ideal choice to export Trump’s version of America across the world. Donald Trump explained his choice at a media conference by tweeting via his mobile to the journalists standing right in front of him: “Nic is […]
Tories to Continue Mistreating Real Immigrants in Honour of Andrew Sachs
Now that the actor who played their favourite immigrant has died, cabinet MPs have promised to continue oppressing real immigrants as a tribute to the long-suffering Spanish waiter Manuel. “I used to love watching Fawlty Towers as a child,” said the right hon. Margaret Neckdemon. “I adored the way Basil treated Manuel as sub-human just […]
Doctors and Nurses to be Required to Show Passports Before Treating Patients
Leading Tories have revealed government plans to make doctors and nurses show their passport before treating patients. Philip Hogman, Earl of Dumbagshire, told us: “We need to stop health tourism. By making doctors and nurses show their passports we can weed out foreigners who are coming here and providing our healthcare and being paid for […]
We Just Want all your Money Without Interacting With Any of You, May Tells Europe
In a clear statement that is in no way contradictory or unworkable, PM Theresa May has outlined her party’s stance on what they want from Brexit. In a speech at Westminster that no-one in Europe got to hear, Theresa May said: “All we want from the EU when we leave is to continue recieving all […]
The Pound feeling a bit low lately
International currency Pound Sterling has complained of feeling a little ‘low’ recently. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” said the concrete form of abstract promise. “I usually feel so strong, ready to go up against any other currency in the market, but lately I just feel… diminished.” Friends of the currency have noted a […]
The Sceptical Poet 