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The Spectical Poet


Fake newspaper website The Spectical Poet (sic) has annoyed all of its friends, real and virtual, with its constant bombardment of quirky yet close to the bone satire. The site is run by one bespectacled loner from his mother’s basement who pretends he has a whole team of writers and is shouded in top secret mystery. Who is The Spectical Poet? Does he wear ‘specticles’? Is he gay? Does his wife secretly write stories in a Stephen King stylee? Anyway, who cares, Mr S. Poet had this to say today in his over-shary defense:

“I’m just hoping that if I pester the living shite out of the little facebook fuckers, one or two or three if I’m really lucky, might actually read one of my goddamn funny as shit stories.”

Believing that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, our wonderful webhost has this week legally changed his name to Mr Spectical Poet. He has also had his site’s logo (a large monocle) tattooed over his right eye, and he now stands next to the manic street preacher in town handing out leaflets to passers-by, desperately chanting:

“Please read my website. Pretty please. Pretty please with sugar on top. Please read my website… READ MY FUCKING WEBSITE.”

He’s even penned his own song whilst sat on the toilet having an extremely long poo. The following is taken from the chorus:

“I am the Spectical Poet
I feed on your love, you know it
Read my stuff you’ll love it
If not, you can shove it

Up. Your. Arse.”

‘Up.Your.Arse’ is available now (for a limited time) on itunes.

Download it today, if only to stop that annoying oaf Che Chesterman topping the Christmas charts.


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