Entertainment

Tories to Continue Mistreating Real Immigrants in Honour of Andrew Sachs

Tories to Continue Mistreating Real Immigrants in Honour of Andrew Sachs

Now that the actor who played their favourite immigrant has died, cabinet MPs have promised to continue oppressing real immigrants as a tribute to the long-suffering Spanish waiter Manuel. “I used to love watching Fawlty Towers as a child,” said the right hon. Margaret Neckdemon. “I adored the way Basil treated Manuel as sub-human just […]

Labour No Longer Even Backed by D:Ream 

Labour No Longer Even Backed by D:Ream 

Labour have been left disappointed after it was revealed that their former cheerleaders, pop band D:Ream, no longer support Labour. The band’s song Things Can Only Get Better became the official anthem for Labour’s 1994 election campaign, helping them into power despite the general message being really fucking cynical if you think about it. D:Ream […]

Corbyn Kidnapped by Labour MPs after Hunting Rare Pokémon

Corbyn Kidnapped by Labour MPs after Hunting Rare Pokémon

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been kidnapped after being lured into an alley in the belief that he was chasing a rare Electachu pokémon. Once in the alley, Mr Corbyn was so distracted by his phone screen that he was easily subdued by a group of Labour MPs, who bundled him into a van and […]

David Attenborough Reveals He Just Reads Whatever the Teleprompter Says

David Attenborough Reveals He Just Reads Whatever the Teleprompter Says

David Attenborough has revealed that he’s been using a teleprompter for the whole of his career and knows nothing about naturalism or animals. “My degree is in English. I haven’t a fucking clue about animals.” Sir Attenborough revealed the truth in an interview with Gorillas Monthly. When asked why he has spent most of his […]

47% of BBC Employees think BBC Stands for Bash Bloody Corbyn

47% of BBC Employees think BBC Stands for Bash Bloody Corbyn

A poll of BBC employees in Salford has revealed that a startling 47% think that BBC stands for Bash Bloody Corbyn. “I’m not sure what the fuss is all about,” an anonymous source told us. “I mean, what else would it be? The whole news apparatus is geared towards slagging him off no matter what […]