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Controversy as Syria War Strategists Revealed to be Games Workshop Staff

By Ardfern (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

By Ardfern (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

David Cameron came under fire this week when it was revealed that he has been outsourcing strategy planning for the war in Syria to his local branch of Games Workshop.

The news came out when a journalist casually visited the shop and noticed that the 3D game board in the middle of the shop looked remarkably like a reconstruction of Syrian terrain.

“It was basically the same as maps of Syria, and instead of meticulously painted models of orcs and space marines there were British war planes and drones, and little racist figurines in turbans. There was a group of pale, long-haired men smelling of pasties sat around it, discussing exit strategies and dice rolls. As soon as they saw me notice, they bundled me out. I heard one on his phone, saying: ‘Tell Dave the secret’s out. Operation Syrian Warhammer is compromised.'”

Cameron reportedly got the idea after watching The Last Starfighter.

He said on Newsnight:

“The army of tomorrow is sitting among us. These guys sitting in Games Workshop playing war games all day may never have been to a real war zone, but they’ve got thousands of hours of strategy experience. Who better to plan our strategy in Syria than people who live, eat and sleep pure war theory? What more do you want? You all derided Blair for having no strategy. Well, I’ve got one!”

The army have been quiet on the issue since it was revealed that most officers effectively graduated straight to the army from Games Workshop anyway.

Rumours that infantry recruitment drives are targeting teenagers obsessed with playing Call of Duty games are as yet unproven.

 

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