The rock band Slade today insisted they have released records other than ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’.

Sitting in a Wolverhampton pub and chatting with long term members Noddy Holder and Jim Lea, Noddy told The Sceptical Poet:

“It’s true. We’ve released dozens of singles, and fifteen studio albums. Fifteen!”

At this, guitarist Jim Lea looked confused.

“Are you sure, Nod? Fifteen seems a lot.”

Noddy nodded:

“I’m fairly certain it’s definitely true.”

…

“I don’t know, Nod. I think I’d remember.”

…

“I’m sure we did. We spent years in the studio. We must have done albums. Truth be told though, all I can remember is that song. Performing it every Christmas. Performing it every time I’m recognised in the street. Shout ‘it’s Christmas’, Noddy’! Christ. Not again. Fucking nightmare.”

It can’t all be bad, we offered. The yearly royalties alone must help pay the bills?

“Well, yeah,” agreed Noddy. “I just wish people remembered our other stuff. You’re a journalist, aren’t you? What else did we do?”

Er.

“God, there was this one song, it was called something, something something something… What was it, Jim?”

“I’m still not convinced we did any other records.”

“That’s it, I’m ringing Dave. He’ll know.”

Pause.

“Dave? It’s Noddy. … Your frontman. … What are you talking about? Shut the front door! … Well, ok, bye.”

Everything ok, Noddy?

“Apparently me and Jim quit the band in 1992.”

“Oh yeah,” said Jim. “I’d forgotten about that.”

“I swear blind we did loads of records. We fucking must have! Ah, let’s look at the jukebox.” Noddy gets up, scans the jukebox. “Sade… Siouxsie and the Banshees… There we are: Slade! Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s just ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’. JOHN! How come on your jukebox you’ve got eight songs by Snow Patrol, but only one by us? They’ve only been around five minutes.”

John the landlord shouts back:

“I wasn’t aware you had any other songs, Nod.”

Noddy kicks the jukebox.

“Fuck this shit!”

The cd jumps and ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’ comes on the speakers.

John cheers.

“Hey Nod, shout ‘It’s Christmas!” at the end for us! Go on.”

Noddy’s face goes red.

“I’ll give you fucking Christmas.”

Jim ushers us out through the exit.

“It’s probably best you leave now, lads. You don’t want to see this.”

‘Merry Xmas Everybody’ is available to download this Christmas, although quite why you’d bother when it’s playing everywhere anyway, who knows.