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Christmas Jumper Day in Tatters


One firm’s bid to unite its multi-cultural workforce under a baby jesus shaped umbrella has been ruined by those prankster atheists at Android.

The firm, a pop up The Apprentice style christmas gift shop in Camden, has been the subject of much internet mockage and humiliation this week after, in a hilarious twist of fate, Android’s spellchecker autocorrected the word jumper to ‘hump her’ in a recent email sent to staff.

The email read:

Friday 18th December is to be Christmas hump her day in work. You are not to start work until you have reported to head office for your hump. Your hump will be provided by Betty from payroll. Please thank her for your hump as it’s the only one you’ll be getting this year.

Betty from payroll told us:

“After the third lad came in asking for a hump from me, I started to get suspicious. I’m 67, but I’m a bit of a cougar and I’ve always had a thing for the young ‘uns. That Harry Stiles boy can have his wicked way with me any day. I’m obviously going to sue the company for pimping me out, but secretly it was the best day of my bloody life. Don’t print that bit.”

The firm at the centre of Jumpergate, ChristmasCrapCo said:

“This is most definitely not a marketing stunt on our behalf. Our company is flourishing and we would never need to resort to such lazy tactics to get our faces in The Metro. It’s just a coincidence that the exact same thing has happened three years on the run. CrapCracker anyone?”


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