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This Month’s Horoscope: Capricorn



Psychic Jess says:

Oh dear, it’s a month of 18p noodles and economy beans on toast for you, but you had a good time didn’t you ordering all that stuff off Amazon? The glamour and excitement of the previous month has worn off and left you a little deflated. You have probably already failed to give up smoking or drinking, but don’t worry, nobody ever keeps their resolutions and Capricorns have the least stamina of all the signs so no one was expecting you to succeed anyway. I predict you will take four lavender gift sets and a bright green woolly jumper from an elderly relative to your local thrift store this month. I can also see you making the most of the shitty weather by staying in and watching The Wizard of Oz on catch-up with a cup of tea and a box of mint matchmakers. Now is probably definitely the time to start saving for that summer holiday you’ve always dreamed of. Your lucky holiday will have the letter A E I O or U in its name.

Don’t forget your coal and bread at midnight, or you’ll have bad luck, no heating, no food and no friends for an entire year.

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