Axl Rose has blown his signature top this week after being compared to Keith Lemon for the fiftieth time.
“He didn’t know who this dude was, so the first forty-nine times he took it as a compliment,” said Destiny Dante, Axl’s 22-year-old model/stripper girlfriend. “Then one day he was merrily eating his pre-show roast dinner, when Keith Lemon came on the TV and the Yorkshire puddings really hit the fan. He threw his spuds up in the air, gravy dribbling down the side of his gob and yelled: “When did I fucking film this? I don’t remember this, but that’s definitely me. At least it looks like me, but I don’t sound like that and I’m not that fucking fat. I’m a shitting genius-tinged-with-madness rock god. I don’t go on panel shows. Do I?”
“He then spent the next three hours googling and YouTubing Keith Lemon,” said Axl’s latest generic session guitarist. “Which was OK, because he’s always three hours late onstage anyway. Afterwards, when he’d decided it definitely wasn’t him, he said he was going to sue for image copyright.”
“Axl’s good at suing over nothing. He likes the drama. He once sued me for taking drugs on band time, even though I was taking the drugs with him,” said former GN’R drummer Steven Adler.
“I’ve never known what first attracted me to the millionaire, Axl Rose”, said Destiny, “But even I’m a bit turned off now, and I’ve slept with Peter Stringfellow.”
Keith Lemon this morning went on record to ask Axl if he’d like to team up to do a charity duet or perhaps a celebrity boxing fight.
Unfortunately the doppelgänger has so far declined.
We live in hope.