Politics
Junior Doctors Offer New Alcohol Safety Limit for Putting up with Government Bullshit
What follows is a joint statement by junior doctors on safe alcohol limits when getting drunk to put up with government bullshit… Just keep drinking. Safety limits do not matter. There is no other way to survive the storm of bullshit leaking from the government’s treacherous slacks. Drink. Keep drinking. Get drunk. Get drunker. Get […]
Homeless Man Creates Superhero Costume from Discarded Umbrellas
Kyle Manors has always been a creative man. He was once the foremost designer of top of the range bum-bags and shellsuits, until the market changed and his fortunes dipped. Twenty years and a severe case of clinical Minecraft addiction later, the bedroom tax dealt the final blow, and Kyle found himself homeless and […]
Controversy as Syria War Strategists Revealed to be Games Workshop Staff
David Cameron came under fire this week when it was revealed that he has been outsourcing strategy planning for the war in Syria to his local branch of Games Workshop. The news came out when a journalist casually visited the shop and noticed that the 3D game board in the middle of the shop looked […]
JOIN THE ARMY!
Failing at school? Not dead yet? Join the army! In the army, you get to travel all over the world (although in hot countries your boots might melt). You must be sick of your mum’s bedroom, amiright? In the army, you get to replace all your failures at school with hand-to-hand combat skills and camouflage […]
Government to Outsource Syria Debate to One Poll
The government has decided to outsource any further ethical debate over the bombing of Syria to multiple-choice pollsters One Poll. “Morals are difficult,” said David Cameron. “I think it’s much better if we privatise these kinds of decisions to anonymous Internet button clickers.” One Poll are said to be delighted to have beaten ATOS to […]
The Sceptical Poet 