What follows is a joint statement by junior doctors on safe alcohol limits when getting drunk to put up with government bullshit…

Just keep drinking.

Safety limits do not matter.

There is no other way to survive the storm of bullshit leaking from the government’s treacherous slacks.

Drink. Keep drinking. Get drunk. Get drunker. Get so drunk you vomit onto George Osborne on sight. Get so drunk you follow David Cameron around with a pig’s head on a stick quoting Deliverance. Get so drunk that this shitty, nasty government seems almost tolerable for five unsteady, vomity minutes.

Get so drunk that you don’t care that in five years time the emergency services will be run by private security firms staffed entirely by sexually frustrated former bouncers and dishonourably discharged soldiers with a desire to HIT SOMEONE.

Get so drunk you can pretend you’ve got no compassion or morals and feel what it’s like to fit in.

Get so drunk you like reality TV.

Get so drunk you care more about 5p on a pint than you do about dead disabled poor people and doctors.

Get so drunk that being arrested seems like a wise plan.

Get so drunk you don’t care how much drunker you can get before you pass out.

Get so drunk you rant this statement through the front door at Westminster.

Get so drunk that you can forget all that is wrong with the current government and stop the pressure in your heart for a brief moment, allowing a small measure of joy to enter your being and take root.

Just…

Get drunk. Now.

Thanks for listening.