Rugby League player Teagan Thurst has become the first British player to openly not give a fuck about rugby, or indeed any other sport.
“It’s just a fucking ball,” he told the BBC. “It should not be taboo for sportsmen and women to come out as being bored shitless by all this pointless running around and sweating. I much prefer a good book.”
“I’m terrified every time that ball comes flying through the sky towards me. Do you know how fast they go? It could take my shitting head off. It’s like a warzone out there.”
Thurst’s words have prompted comments from other sports players that would have been thought unthinkable only a couple of years ago.
Prominent snooker player Reed Bayliss admitted to Radio 4 yesterday that:
“Sometimes my eyes just glaze over as those spherical clown balls roll around that weird green carpet. Seriously, what the fuck is that about? Is it supposed to look like a lawn or something?”
Sprinter Nelly Jones exploded into an unexpected rant shortly after winning her new world record for the 100 metres:
“I’m just moving my legs repeatedly up and down. There isn’t even anything interesting at the other end when you get there. The track’s the same all the way around. What’s the point?”
Sports fans around the country are finding themselves unsettled at the possibility that the sports they follow are pointless physical exercises that don’t achieve anything. The FA have responded by bribing fans into showing extra enthusiasm, in the hope that it will make football players more ‘sporty’.
“This lack of interest in sport is not normal,” said the new head of the FA, whoever he is.