World
Wikileaks Release Secret Assange Embassy Diary
To celebrate Scotland Yard’s decision to stop stationing uniformed police outside the Ecuadorian embassy, where Julian Assange is still living and claiming asylum, Wikileaks have released Assange’s personal diary of his time in the embassy. A spokesman for Wikileaks said: “Julian is not happy about our release of his diary, but there’s not much he […]
Justin Bieber, What a Cock
Yes, you heard it here, not first, but hey, we felt the need to mention it anyway, just in case you’ve been living in a hole. If you have been living in a hole, it’s time to wake up and smell the winky. Yes, we can confirm it to be absolutely, 100% true. We’ve seen […]
World Famous ‘Secret’ Superspy Recognised and Shot to Death
World famous ‘secret’ superspy James Bond has been murdered by a hail of gunfire in a Monte Carlo casino. Onlookers report a well-dressed man ordering a drink at the bar, before introducing himself to a nearby woman by saying, “The name’s Bond, James Bond’. At this point, all hell broke loose, with several customers in […]
All Death Row Inmates Spared After US Government Realises the Death Penalty is Vile and Barbaric
US government officials did a massive u-turn this week and abolished the death penalty entirely. President Barack Obama, who turned up to the press conference in a tracksuit and refused to sing the national anthem (the bastard), has issued the following statement: “We can only apologise that it’s taken us so long, but we can […]
The Singer Seal Spotted Surfing A Humpback Whale in Australia
The singer Seal has been spotted off the coast of Canberra surfing on a humpback whale. The usually reticent singer was spotted by beachgoers yesterday afternoon. He appeared to be singing, and was followed by musicians who played it safe using a boat. He stayed upright for about five minutes before eventually succumbing to the […]
The Sceptical Poet 