Science
Bees Are Just Fat Wasps, Finds Study
A study investigating the decline in bee numbers has discovered that they don’t technically exist and are in fact just fat wasps. The study followed several ‘bee’ colonies for five years. In that time, most of the bees mysteriously lost weight and joined wasp nests. “It’s incredible,” says main study author Dr John Banks, “Everyone […]
Newly Discovered Superhenge Monument Just Result of Neolithic People with Too Much Time on Their Hands
The new massive ‘superhenge’ monument recently discovered under Salisbury plain near Stonehenge is simply the result of Neolithic people having too much time on their hands, say researchers. Bob Barker of the research team: “Our first thought was that it was a religious thing, or a way of telling the time, but the more we […]
McDonald’s Staff Members Think It Would Be Cool to Be Replaced by Robots
Following increased speculation that the rise in the US minimum wage could result in McDonald’s replacing its workers with robots, its staff respond with inappropriate enthusiasm. Jamie Burgman said, “How cool would that be? It would be like living in the Terminator universe. Except instead of evil military robots run by an implacable intelligence, it […]
Patients in The UK Duped by Fake Drugs
Seriously ill patients across the UK have been given fake drugs by doctors it emerged today. The drug, known only as homeopathy was found to have no healing powers whatsoever, and was essentially just made-up nonsense. It is rumoured to provide a small sugar rush but even that is unlikely. Some practices have already banned […]
Systematic Review Shows Music Can Ease Pain – Unless It’s Shit
A systematic review published in the Lancet has revealed that music can help ease pain after surgery – unless it’s crap, in which case pain increases. Hospital studies over ten years showed reductions in pain and discomfort when a patient was exposed to songs with melodies, well-structured chord sequences and nice voices. If songs had […]
The Sceptical Poet 