Seriously ill patients across the UK have been given fake drugs by doctors it emerged today.

The drug, known only as homeopathy was found to have no healing powers whatsoever, and was essentially just made-up nonsense. It is rumoured to provide a small sugar rush but even that is unlikely.

Some practices have already banned the substance after numerous studies found that it fared no better than tic tacs.

Vulnerable OAP Gilly was given homeopathy for her bunions.

“I was suffering so much I was willing to try anything. I didn’t think they’d palm me off with tiny sugar balls dipped in water.”

The ‘doctor’ who prescribed the substance said:

“Ibuprofen wasn’t working and she was still moaning, so I wanted to shut her up. I didn’t think there was any harm in it.”

Gilly, who will now never be able to wear high heeled kinky boots again is hoping to raise awareness of the subject by shouting very loudly.

“Do your research,” she says. “I’ve heard of this group that overdosed on homeopathic belladonna. They didn’t die afterwards. They didn’t even feel queasy.”

The makers of the drug were unavailable for comment due to having their fingers in their ears, singing: “La la la. Can’t hear you”.