The new massive ‘superhenge’ monument recently discovered under Salisbury plain near Stonehenge is simply the result of Neolithic people having too much time on their hands, say researchers.
Bob Barker of the research team:
“Our first thought was that it was a religious thing, or a way of telling the time, but the more we uncovered, the more we realised it was just a massive time-consuming folly that the people of the time built for kicks.”
Barker cites ‘bored’ graffiti found near the site, and remains of huge parties as evidence.
Local ‘druids’ dispute the findings.
“There is such an energy here,” said one spectacularly bearded man staring at the site in wonder. “How could anyone doubt that this is a spiritual place?”
Barker is adamant about his team’s findings:
“Why would the people of the Neolithic be any less stupid than us? This is just their equivalent of the millennium dome. It completely ties in with the new writings discovered in Bath, which talk of ‘that bloody thing’ and ‘that rocky monstrosity’. By all accounts the people of the area avoided the thing like the plague once it was built. No-one cared. It’s just a bunch of rocks.”
Despite what the research team says, hordes of self-styled druids have descended upon the excavation, led by their leader, soap actor William Roache, who is planning a book about the ‘aliens’ who built the monument.
Most of the local populace couldn’t care less, however:
“Oh no, not another henge,” said Barry, a greengrocer from a nearby town. “I don’t know what a henge is, but we have enough trouble with the weirdos the other one brings. Bloody henges.”
Phil, who manages a car-henge themepark is even less amused:
“Ninety rocks? Where the fuck am I going to get enough cars to simulate ninety rocks?”