World
Cameron Only Wants to Bomb a Country Because Tony Blair Did
It has been revealed that David Cameron is jealous of Tony Blair’s lovable adventures in Iraq, and simply wants to have his own ‘go’ at Syria. “We’re supposed to be the nasty party,” said a source. “Cameron can’t simply let Blair have the monopoly on being a warmongering dickhead. It is completely understandable that Cameron […]
UK to Bomb Syria by Lobbing Homeless People from Siege Engines
David Cameron revealed today that the UK will indeed bomb Syria, but that the government’s austerity drive will result in an extreme change in the type of bombing taking place. “Times are hard,” he told cynical journalists outside Number 10 this morning. “Tough decisions have to be made, and we can no longer bomb in the way that […]
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Admits She’s Scared of the Dark
Buffy Anne Summers, AKA the wisecracking demon destroyer Buffy the Vampire Slayer, has gone on record this week to confess that she is still afraid of the dark: “Give me an evil vampire to stake or a demon to slay, and I’m a brave little toaster. On the other hand, if I have to get […]
Ghosts to Put Cap on Immigration of the Living, says Sally Morgan
Sally Morgan, the celebrity psychic and earpiece fan, surprised a packed theatre this week when she passed on an anti-immigrant message from the ‘other side’. Sally suddenly stopped her message from granddad Bill?/John?/nowaitJack? and informed the crowd that a spokesperson for the whole of the spirit world was on the line and was about to pass […]
Trident to be Replaced by a Floating Raft and a Pitbull
In an effort to save money and to shut up anti-nuclear campaigners, the government have announced that as of next year they will not be renewing the UK’s nuclear deterrent, the Trident submarines. Instead, they will be replacing it with a floating raft and a hungry pitbull. The raft, which will be painted in the […]
The Sceptical Poet 