Sally Morgan, the celebrity psychic and earpiece fan, surprised a packed theatre this week when she passed on an anti-immigrant message from the ‘other side’.

Sally suddenly stopped her message from granddad Bill?/John?/nowaitJack? and informed the crowd that a spokesperson for the whole of the spirit world was on the line and was about to pass on an important message. After a dramatic pause during which she fiddled with her ear, she intoned to the audience:

“Hello, the living. We don’t want you here. No more dead people. We’re full! Do you know how many languages are spoken here now? 125, 672, 821 . Our resources are being strained. We only have so much ectoplasm to go round. Things are bad enough being dead, without you coming over here and taking our haunting jobs. There’s more of us than there are houses now. It should be old dead first, not the newly dead!

“Our culture is under threat. These new ghosts with their funny talk of ‘computers’, ‘radio’ and ‘the enlightenment’, it’s destroying our way of life. If the wheel is good enough for us, then it should be good enough for them.

“From this point on, we are placing a cap on the number of immigrants that we let in from the land of the living. Anyone who tries to get in over that cap, will be left adrift in limbo.

Goodbye, Living.”

At this point, a laughing teenager with a radio microphone was hustled out of the building by harassed looking members of Sally’s entourage; but not before the ‘message’ was relayed to the world’s newspapers.

The Telegraph responded by promising to spearhead a campaign to encourage more life. The Daily Mail on the other hand promised to put a cap on the number of dead people allowed to communicate with the land of the living. While the Guardian pointed out that if you go back far enough, all dead people used to be living people.

Sally Morgan has yet to comment on the incident.