Out of This World
Santa Dead from Soot-Related Illness
Santa Claus was pronounced dead today after suffering from a soot-related illness. In a tearful statement to the Lapland press, Mrs Claus said: “My husband loved his work, but despite years of campaigning for better work conditions, it was all too little too soon. The soot from all those chimneys proved too much and he […]
John the Baptist to sue St John’s Ambulance Service
John the Baptist has filed a lawsuit against St John’s Ambulance service, demanding that they remove his name from their title. “It’s offensive,” he told BBC News this morning. “They use my name to advertise their service, despite the fact that I’ve been waiting 2000 years for them to show up. I was in a […]
Man Fails to Ignore Elephant in the Room
A man was distressed this week when he completely failed to ignore an elephant in his living room, much to the consternation of his family. John Buckle told us: “Me and the kids came home from doing the shopping one day, and there was this fucking elephant in the living room. An actual living, breathing, shitting […]
Horror Fan Requests Refund After Spending Night Alone in Woods and Surviving
Horror movie fan Betty Jones today released the following strongly worded Twitter tirade: “Seriously, I spent the night camping in the woods. My mobile didn’t lose its signal once. There were no killers on the prowl. No strange noi” It seems that she ran out characters there, but we get the gist. We were hoping […]
Gamma Ray Expert Forced to Stop Watching BBC’s Question Time
In the first case of its kind, a reclusive American gamma ray expert living in the North West of England has been forced via a court order obtained by his doctor to stop watching BBC’s Question Time in case he endangers the lives of others. Dr Will Danner has been a fan of the show […]
The Sceptical Poet 