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Man Fails to Ignore Elephant in the Room

By State Library of New South Wales collection [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons

By State Library of New South Wales collection [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons

A man was distressed this week when he completely failed to ignore an elephant in his living room, much to the consternation of his family.

John Buckle told us:

“Me and the kids came home from doing the shopping one day, and there was this fucking elephant in the living room. An actual living, breathing, shitting elephant. I said to them: There’s an elephant in the living room. They acted as if I hadn’t said anything; carried on playing on their x-boxes and fiddling with their phones. I kept repeating to them: There’s an elephant. In the room. They just ignored the elephant in the room.

“I said: We’ve got to get rid of this elephant in the room. It’s huge and it’s shitting everywhere.

“The kids said: Dad, it will be fine, just forget about it, it doesn’t matter.

“I said: It’s an elephant! It’s dangerous!

“The wife just told me to come to bed. I tried to talk to her about it. How did it even get here? Where did it come from? A zoo? And who brought it here, or did it somehow get here of its own accord? If someone did bring it, it’s a really weird thing to do. Is it a prank? How did it even fit through the door? Why does none of this matter to you people?

It will all work out in the end, you worry too much, says my wife.

“But. It was an elephant! In the living room! It was right there, big as life! How could she or the kids not notice? How could they not notice the elephant in the room?”

John has now adopted his elephant. He’s called it Griffin, after the invisible man. They make a tidy living charging £5 a go for invisible elephant rides up and down the local beach. John’s family are no longer in contact with him, and they told us on the phone that they wish for him to seek medical help for his hallucinations.

John knows the truth:

“They just couldn’t see the elephant in the room. But he’s real, and he’s here, and we’re happy.

“Thanks for listening to my story.”

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