Out of This World
Dead Sperm Whales Just Trying to Impregnate the UK
Whale experts at the University of Oxford believe that the recent spate of dead sperm whales washing up on British coastline is evidence that they are simply trying to impregnate the UK. “What we’re seeing are the sperm whales which failed,” said Dr Tim Weeks. “We’ll probably see many more, maybe in the millions. Eventually […]
Open Letter from Space
What follows is an open letter to the Earth, from alien race the Ekids… Please pay close attention if you are over the age of thirty or unable to work for whatever reason. Dear Humanoids, It will come as no surprise to you, if you have the Internet or any friends at all, that many […]
Bowie Killed by Martians for Revealing Their Secrets
Professional conspiracy theorist and shit-stirrer Mohammed Al-Fayed has claimed that the Martian equivalent of the Triads were responsible for the death of David Bowie. “Yes, he was killed by cancer,” he told Rita Sarpong of Conspiracy TV, “But who knows what kind of technology they have? They could have poisoned him with cancer cells from […]
Grim Reaper Fired for Reaping Celebs Before their Time
The Grim Reaper, real name Darth Balls, has finally been caught and fired after going off-grid and reaping celebrities that annoyed him. Concerns were first raised about Mr Balls a few decades ago, when the song Don’t Fear the Reaper by the Blue Oyster Cult was released. He was caught ranting at a cocktail party […]
Jehovah Escapes Jail after No Witnesses turn up to Court
A criminal long wanted by police has escaped jail after no witnesses turned up to court. “We are very saddened by this result,” said Police Superintendent Moira Jameson. “We were led to believe that this man had many witnesses to his crimes, maybe as many as 144,000. We don’t know if their failure to turn […]
The Sceptical Poet 