The United Kingdom has astonished the world by disappearing up its own arse.

Close neighbour the EU, who had been having a long-running feud with the UK, said:

“There was this large whoosh sound, followed by a sort of rasping pop and a fart, and suddenly where there was once the UK there was now a giant arsehole.”

Former Prime Minister and pig-botherer David Cameron, who dribbled out of the arsehole just before it closed, told us:

“It’s democracy! You can’t argue with it!”

The rest of the world is bewildered at the bizarre move. Many countries just simply cannot understand why the UK would do such a stupid, weird and unhygienic thing. We asked the Great Arsehole why it had made this decision but the response was this:

“MmmmMmmmMMmimmigrationmMMfffhhmmmm350millionmmmgffffhhhhhmmmmm.”

It is thought by experts that the UK had convinced itself that it could survive on its own without oxygen, food or any kind of interaction with the rest of the world, and made the democratic decision to exist by living on its own shit in an endless infinite cycle of unpleasantness.

The EU is planning to surround the Great Arsehole with a barrier of UK ex-pats, to absorb the force of the inevitable methane explosion.