Tag Archive | EU referendum
Sales of Tiny Violins Soar After Brexit
The obscure art of tiny violin making has been given a boost after the fallout from Brexit saw sales rise to record levels. Bill Phillips, a violin shop owner from South Wales, says his shop is now always full of really sarcastic people wanting small violins. “It’s normally slow in the violin trade. Now I […]
Tim Peake: Can I Go Back to Space, Please?
Astronaut Tim Peake has responded to the Brexit crisis by demanding to be sent back into space. “I was only gone five minutes,” he told BBC News. “What have you done, you mad fucking bastards?” When told that getting a spacecraft ready at such short notice was as likely as the EU letting the UK […]
UK to be Renamed Cunty McCuntface
A new EU-wide poll had resulted in the United Kingdom being renamed Cunty McCuntface. President of the EU, Jean-Claude Juncker, said: “Their old name didn’t make any sense. They’re not united and they don’t have a king, let alone a dom. We felt the new name more accurately reflected our perception of who they are.” […]
Nigel Farage found Stabbed to Death with a Pencil
UKIP leader Nigel Farage has been found stabbed to death in a pub, a pint in one hand and his penis in the other. The offensive weapon, other than his penis, was a polling booth pencil. UKIP are in disarray, calling for the arrest of all Remain voters and the destruction of all pencils. However, […]
UK Disappears up it’s own Arse
The United Kingdom has astonished the world by disappearing up its own arse. Close neighbour the EU, who had been having a long-running feud with the UK, said: “There was this large whoosh sound, followed by a sort of rasping pop and a fart, and suddenly where there was once the UK there was now […]
The Sceptical Poet 