In a bid to reduce the number of mass shootings in the US, President Obama has passed a bill stipulating that all guns for sale in the USA will from now on come encased in giant kinder eggs.
Kinder eggs are banned in the USA because of a genetic deficiency in North Americans which means they can’t tell the difference between plastic and chocolate. By passing this bill, Obama hopes to effectively ban all guns without actually infringing each American’s constitutional right to scare the shit out of other Americans with a deadly murder device carried around in public.
The bill has understandably angered those in favour of keeping guns lying round for use by random psychopaths.
“This goes against my constitutional right to defend myself in an unproportional way!” said a fat man in a cap outside a branch of Guns ‘R’ Us.
“Every American has the right to a gun!” said a woman in an SUV with a rifle on the passenger seat. “We’ll need them when the aliens come.”
“What’s a kinder egg?” asked a twelve-year-old boy whose taste buds have been flattened by the shitness of milk duds.
President Obama assured the American public that he had not gone against their constitutional right to bear arms.
“I tell you now, every American still has the right to buy a deadly projectile device for the purpose of overreacting to everyday situations in a fatal manner. You can still all buy guns. You just can’t buy kinder eggs. They’re completely separate pieces of legislation.”
The UK plans to utilise similar tactics to solve its obesity epidemic by only selling chocolate inside guns. It is hoped the policy will have the added bonus of making gangsters too fat to successfully commit any crimes.