Entertainment
Katie Hopkins Turns Out to be Dead Nice. Honest.
‘Celebrity’ Katie Hopkins has announced that she is fed up of her portrayal in the media as a heartless bitch. Hopkins, real name Debra Hiding, released a press statement earlier today in which she finally confessed to being a jobbing actress hired to front a publicity whore facade. “I’m just Debbie from the block,” she […]
Good Workmen Also Blame Their Tools, Say Good Workmen with Bad Tools
In a backlash against received wisdom, good workmen have revealed that it’s not just bad workmen who blame their tools, but good ones too. “My hammer’s crap,” said Geoff, a builder from Northampton. “It’s not completely flat, so every time I hit a nail it goes in at an angle. I’m a good workman, but […]
Man Gets Annoyed by Constant Kitten Memes on Facebook
Soulless banker Gary Gonk has gotten so fed up of babies and animals showing on his Facebook feed that he has vowed to delete them all. In a status update posted this morning, he says that starting tomorrow he is going to personally and permanently delete every one of his friends who posts a picture […]
Coffee Shop Workers Explode After Fiftieth Customer of the Day Asks for Something That Isn’t on the Menu
Several workers at a generic coffee shop chain that we’re not allowed to name exploded into tiny pieces today after one customer too many ordered ‘something that isn’t on the menu’. Witnesses told us: “One lady asked for a cheese and ham toastie without the ham, despite the fact that there was a plain cheese […]
George Lucas to Release American Graffiti Special Edition Featuring Actual Graffiti
Serial film remixer George Lucas has once again pissed about with one of his films. Speaking by skype from his secret ranch on the moon (or is it?), he said: “I’ve always felt that I couldn’t do what I wanted with American Graffiti, which was have lots of scenes of people spraying graffiti on things. […]
The Sceptical Poet 