Soulless banker Gary Gonk has gotten so fed up of babies and animals showing on his Facebook feed that he has vowed to delete them all. In a status update posted this morning, he says that starting tomorrow he is going to personally and permanently delete every one of his friends who posts a picture of their baby doing something ‘hilarious’ or their pet doing something ‘unfeasibly cute’.
Gary, who has no children or pets himself and lives on his own just the way he likes it in a high rise flat where he can look down on people, told us:
“I’m sick to death of seeing these snot faced ugly babies and infested flea bags. I want to see pictures of businessmen and topless women.”
Gary is especially offended by yawning kittens with slogans like ‘I’m so cute I’ve tired myself out’ or ‘It’s exhausting being this cute’ written underneath.
“They don’t even make sense,” he scoffed as he flicked though ‘boobies weekly’.
“I just want good old fashioned page 3 memes. I’m not talking candle wax on the nipples or anything like that. Just seventeen year olds with their tits out grinning at a camera. It’s not like it’s sexist.”
Gary is also not happy about the recent changes to train carriages.
[…] At this point, our kitty friendly reporter backed politely away and left the female only train carriage to go and sit in the unisex one – right next to Gary Gonk. […]