Serial film remixer George Lucas has once again pissed about with one of his films. Speaking by skype from his secret ranch on the moon (or is it?), he said:
“I’ve always felt that I couldn’t do what I wanted with American Graffiti, which was have lots of scenes of people spraying graffiti on things. Back in 1973 I couldn’t afford spray-paint, so I’ve gone back digitally and put in dozens of completely necessary cgi scenes of Ron Howard and Richard Dreyfuss spraying gang tags on walls.”
Surprisingly, there has been very little backlash against the new version, because most George Lucas fans were completely unaware he’d directed anything other than Star Wars.
“Wait, what?” Said one bewildered fan.
“So you’re saying there’s no spaceships or aliens in it at all?” said another.
Journalists who have seen a preview of the film say it now makes absolutely no sense, with the new scenes filmed in ultra-TX HD, and put to jazz music. In one particularly odd scene, Ron Howard has a spray can fight with a street thug. Howard doesn’t spray first. There is also a scene in which Dreyfuss accidentally opens the Ark of the Covenant, officially making American Graffiti part of the Indiana Jones canon. From now on, its new title is: Indiana Jones 7.2: The Graffiti of the Americas.
“It’s like he hasn’t even seen his own film,” said one perplexed reviewer at Cannes.
The reviewer has since mysteriously disappeared, and we would like to take this opportunity to state that we believe the film totally works. The new scenes are necessary, and genuinely add to the film’s message of something to do with graffiti. It is a masterpiece.