Tag Archive | government
Underperforming Families to become Academies
Under new guidelines any British families deemed to be underperforming will be forced to become academies, the government said today. The news comes hot on the heels of a government-led enquiry into the ‘family unit’, which revealed that most families were struggling to get by as a result of bad fiscal management by local authority […]
Junior Doctors Offer New Alcohol Safety Limit for Putting up with Government Bullshit
What follows is a joint statement by junior doctors on safe alcohol limits when getting drunk to put up with government bullshit… Just keep drinking. Safety limits do not matter. There is no other way to survive the storm of bullshit leaking from the government’s treacherous slacks. Drink. Keep drinking. Get drunk. Get drunker. Get […]
JOIN THE ARMY!
Failing at school? Not dead yet? Join the army! In the army, you get to travel all over the world (although in hot countries your boots might melt). You must be sick of your mum’s bedroom, amiright? In the army, you get to replace all your failures at school with hand-to-hand combat skills and camouflage […]
Government Announce New Plans to Scrap Sleep
The government have this morning released a statement announcing plans to eradicate sleep. “Starting next year, everyone of working age will be required by law to take the new anti-sleeping pill. Anyone refusing to take the pill will be sanctioned and given the pill anally,” said the prime minister. “Refusal to take the drug will […]
Government Announce Plans to Segregate Entire Female Population from Men
Following feedback from the debate over whether there should be female only carriages on trains and the ongoing success of male and female public toilets, the government – worried that Labour are getting too much publicity – have announced plans to entirely segregate the male and female population of the UK. Starting next month, it […]
The Sceptical Poet 