Tag Archive | David Cameron
Cameron Only Wants to Bomb a Country Because Tony Blair Did
It has been revealed that David Cameron is jealous of Tony Blair’s lovable adventures in Iraq, and simply wants to have his own ‘go’ at Syria. “We’re supposed to be the nasty party,” said a source. “Cameron can’t simply let Blair have the monopoly on being a warmongering dickhead. It is completely understandable that Cameron […]
UK to Bomb Syria by Lobbing Homeless People from Siege Engines
David Cameron revealed today that the UK will indeed bomb Syria, but that the government’s austerity drive will result in an extreme change in the type of bombing taking place. “Times are hard,” he told cynical journalists outside Number 10 this morning. “Tough decisions have to be made, and we can no longer bomb in the way that […]
Tory Ministers to go on Strike Over Working Conditions
In a surprise move, a majority of Tory MPs have announced they are going on strike next week to raise awareness over what they say are appalling work conditions. “I just can’t keep being a horrible shit 24/7. Sometimes I need a break, to be kind for five minutes. Pat a dog on the head […]
Trident to be Replaced by a Floating Raft and a Pitbull
In an effort to save money and to shut up anti-nuclear campaigners, the government have announced that as of next year they will not be renewing the UK’s nuclear deterrent, the Trident submarines. Instead, they will be replacing it with a floating raft and a hungry pitbull. The raft, which will be painted in the […]
Corbyn’s Stomach Disrespectful for Not Being Quiet Enough During Minute’s Silence
Jeremy Corbyn’s stomach has been branded disrespectful by journalists that people really shouldn’t bother with. “It was disgraceful,” said Tony McTory in the Sun “If you leaned in close enough, Corbyn’s stomach could clearly be heard gurgling away during the minute’s silence on Remembrance Sunday.” “I’ve never heard the like,” said Donald Donor in the […]
The Sceptical Poet 