Tag Archive | conservatives

Ian Duncan Smith Creates New ‘Conservativism Plus’ Party

Ian Duncan Smith Creates New ‘Conservativism Plus’ Party

Following on from his shock resignation from the Tory party, unlikely conscientious objector Ian Duncan Smith has revealed that he plans to start his own version of the Conservative party: Conservativism Plus. Speaking to journalists this morning, he said: “Too long have I stood by and watched myself do things that I disagreed yet agreed […]

Junior Doctors Offer New Alcohol Safety Limit for Putting up with Government Bullshit

What follows is a joint statement by junior doctors on safe alcohol limits when getting drunk to put up with government bullshit… Just keep drinking. Safety limits do not matter. There is no other way to survive the storm of bullshit leaking from the government’s treacherous slacks. Drink. Keep drinking. Get drunk. Get drunker. Get […]

Tory Ministers to go on Strike Over Working Conditions

Tory Ministers to go on Strike Over Working Conditions

In a surprise move, a majority of Tory MPs have announced they are going on strike next week to raise awareness over what they say are appalling work conditions. “I just can’t keep being a horrible shit 24/7. Sometimes I need a break, to be kind for five minutes. Pat a dog on the head […]

Tories to Skip Increase in Grammar Schools and to Just Shoot Underperforming Children

Tories to Skip Increase in Grammar Schools and to Just Shoot Underperforming Children

Prime Minister David Cameron announced today that the government are to skip entirely any increase in the number of grammar schools, and just shoot underperforming children instead. Speaking outside number ten, he said: “The creation of new grammar schools is a time-consuming and costly process. In the interests of austerity, we have decided to skip […]

Scientists Discover That The Last General Election Put Us into An Opposite Universe

Scientists Discover That The Last General Election Put Us into An Opposite Universe

Scientists at the European Space Agency have discovered that the last general election pushed the planet Earth into an opposite ‘mirror’ universe. In a new paper, the ESA state: “The public reaction of abject horror following the success of the Conservatives was so strong, that it propelled the Earth into a parallel universe where everything […]