Tag Archive | Brexit

Doctors and Nurses to be Required to Show Passports Before Treating Patients 

Doctors and Nurses to be Required to Show Passports Before Treating Patients 

Leading Tories have revealed government plans to make doctors and nurses show their passport before treating patients. Philip Hogman, Earl of Dumbagshire, told us: “We need to stop health tourism. By making doctors and nurses show their passports we can weed out foreigners who are coming here and providing our healthcare and being paid for […]

We Just Want all your Money Without Interacting With Any of You, May Tells Europe 

We Just Want all your Money Without Interacting With Any of You, May Tells Europe 

In a clear statement that is in no way contradictory or unworkable, PM Theresa May has outlined her party’s stance on what they want from Brexit. In a speech at Westminster that no-one in Europe got to hear, Theresa May said: “All we want from the EU when we leave is to continue recieving all […]

The Pound feeling a bit low lately

The Pound feeling a bit low lately

International currency Pound Sterling has complained of feeling a little ‘low’ recently. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” said the concrete form of abstract promise. “I usually feel so strong, ready to go up against any other currency in the market, but lately I just feel… diminished.” Friends of the currency have noted a […]

Sales of Tiny Violins Soar After Brexit

Sales of Tiny Violins Soar After Brexit

The obscure art of tiny violin making has been given a boost after the fallout from Brexit saw sales rise to record levels. Bill Phillips, a violin shop owner from South Wales, says his shop is now always full of really sarcastic people wanting small violins. “It’s normally slow in the violin trade. Now I […]

Tim Peake: Can I Go Back to Space, Please?

Tim Peake: Can I Go Back to Space, Please?

Astronaut Tim Peake has responded to the Brexit crisis by demanding to be sent back into space. “I was only gone five minutes,” he told BBC News. “What have you done, you mad fucking bastards?” When told that getting a spacecraft ready at such short notice was as likely as the EU letting the UK […]