Tag Archive | beards
Beards Home to 400 Types of Wildlife
A study published this week in the Journal of Ornithological Weirdness claims that beards are home to about 400 types of wildlife. The study has prompted calls for beards to be considered official conservation areas, which would make trimming them a potential breach of the law. Brian Malburn, the lead author of the study said: […]
Met Cop Calls for Beard Ban As It Hinders His Ability To Racially Profile
An officer from the London metropolitan police force has issued a call for a ban on beards, saying it hinders his ability to racially profile. PC John Simmonds told us: “The current prevalence of beards makes it very difficult for me to racially profile random strangers in the street and to interrogate them. Making potential […]
Hairy Bikers Turn Out to be Ant and Dec
The worlds of entertainment and science have been rocked by the revelation that the ‘hairy bikers’, otherwise known as Dave Myers and Si King, are actually a middle-aged Ant and Dec who have time travelled from the future. The discovery happened during the first day of shooting for ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of […]
Government to Reintroduce Beard Tax
Now that stupid, long bushy beards are back in fashion, the government have decided to reintroduce everybody’s favourite compulsory state contribution: The Beard Tax. Clean shaven and speaking from his home in Downing Street, Prime Minister David Cameron said: “Given the new popularity of facial hair, and the success in England and Russia in the […]
The Sceptical Poet 