Politics
Donald Trump Sadly Still Perfectly Well
The US has been hit by revelations that presidential hopeful Donald Trump is perfectly healthy. Footage has been released on several occasions that show Trump speaking unintelligibly into a microphone with a look of confusion on his face, a common symptom of Alzheimer’s. He is also known to exhibit random exclamations of an extreme racist […]
Labour No Longer Even Backed by D:Ream
Labour have been left disappointed after it was revealed that their former cheerleaders, pop band D:Ream, no longer support Labour. The band’s song Things Can Only Get Better became the official anthem for Labour’s 1994 election campaign, helping them into power despite the general message being really fucking cynical if you think about it. D:Ream […]
Political Scientists Flummoxed by Schrodinger’s Train Phenomenon
Political scientists up and down the country have become flummoxed by a rare phenomenon known as Schrödinger’s Train Syndrome. The recently observed phenomenon occurs on Virgin trains and involves observation of train seats by people from the Labour party. People with no emotional stake in the Labour party merely see a train. If viewed by […]
Corbyn Kidnapped by Labour MPs after Hunting Rare Pokémon
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been kidnapped after being lured into an alley in the belief that he was chasing a rare Electachu pokémon. Once in the alley, Mr Corbyn was so distracted by his phone screen that he was easily subdued by a group of Labour MPs, who bundled him into a van and […]
Theresa May Resigns as Prime Minister
In the latest twist of the complicated saga that is modern politics, newly appointed Prime Minister and leader of the Tory party Theresa May has handed in her resignation. When asked why she had made the decision, she stated: “It was time.” A hasty leadership election was called an hour ago, but all four […]
The Sceptical Poet 