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Tories to Continue Mistreating Real Immigrants in Honour of Andrew Sachs

manuel

Now that the actor who played their favourite immigrant has died, cabinet MPs have promised to continue oppressing real immigrants as a tribute to the long-suffering Spanish waiter Manuel.

“I used to love watching Fawlty Towers as a child,”

said the right hon. Margaret Neckdemon.

“I adored the way Basil treated Manuel as sub-human just because he worked for him and was struggling with the English language. All those moments where he physically assaulted him were classic slapstick comedy up there with Stalin, I mean Chaplin. Our whole family laughed every time, and it made us feel better about giving abuse to our Portuguese housekeeper. If something’s funny enough then it can’t be racist. We intend to uphold this wonderful British tradition by oppressing immigrants using British law, but do it in a humourous way.

“The best thing about Fawlty Towers is that it was acceptable in public to find it funny. Everyone loved Fawlty Towers, even bleeding heart liberals. Maybe it’s because Manuel was Spanish, and they’re not that dark-skinned there. It’s basically just extra England but further south. I’m moving there when I retire, actually.”

The right hon. Derek Wafflescrote agreed.

“It just showed real life,”

he said.

“No-one got hurt. Manuel always laughed aswell. It was just banter. That’s why everytime we send an immigrant packing we’re going to give them a playful clip round the ear and glare at them menacingly. They know we love them really.”

The right hon. British media also paid tribute to Sachs’ most famous/only show:

“Fawlty towers united everyone,”

said Janet Excusemonger in the Guardian.

“The truth that the left doesn’t want to admit is that it wasn’t making fun of immigrants with their funny voices and aura of bewildered fear in the face of irrational British violence; it was actually a serious satirical commentary on bullies like Basil Fawlty. He was the person we were supposed to laugh at. Don’t you understand? What’s wrong with you? It totally wasn’t taking the piss out of Spanish waiters. Bien?”

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