Political scientists up and down the country have become flummoxed by a rare phenomenon known as Schrödinger’s Train Syndrome.
The recently observed phenomenon occurs on Virgin trains and involves observation of train seats by people from the Labour party. People with no emotional stake in the Labour party merely see a train.
If viewed by members of Team Corbyn, the train seats appear to be ‘ram-packed’, with no available places for bearded politicians or their weirdly invisible entourage. However, when viewed by Team Smith they appear to be completely unoccupied with flashing neon signs above them saying, ‘SIT HERE. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT’.
“It’s very strange,” said Dave Phillips, a member of a Labour think-tank worried about its future. “The occupied status of the seats completely changes depending on who is looking at them. We’ve dubbed it Schrödinger’s Train Syndrome after the famous experiment involving the cat, even though it never actually happened and it isn’t what Schrödinger actually meant. But it’s stuck now, so we’ve got to deal with it.”
Fellow political scientist Ann Greenall agreed:
“It’s so odd. The actual reality is probably that the train is only half full, but Team Corbyn sees a completely full train while Team Smith sees nothing but emptiness which kind of fits to be honest. The nearest I’ve seen to anything like this is when I tell people I’m a political scientist and they say I’m not a real scientist. I totally fucking am, but they just can’t see it.”
It is thought the phenomenon might be a symptom of a larger phenomenon in which Jeremy Corbyn can be simultaneously electable and unelectable, while also being amazing and an utter shit.
We called Jeremy Corbyn for his take on the matter, but his phone was occupied.