Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been kidnapped after being lured into an alley in the belief that he was chasing a rare Electachu pokémon. Once in the alley, Mr Corbyn was so distracted by his phone screen that he was easily subdued by a group of Labour MPs, who bundled him into a van and then fled the scene.
Labour leadership candidate Angela Eagle released a statement saying that Mr Corbyn will be released as soon as the Labour party has been purged of:
“… socialists, Trotskyites and people who refuse to wear bland suits.”
Mr Corbyn had only put Pokémon Go onto his phone that morning, but was so depressed about being hated by all of his MPs that he quickly became addicted, running around Westminster trying to catch as many fictional creatures as he could. MPs that were present claim Corbyn was heard muttering under his breath that at least his pokémon loved him.
Leadership candidate Owen Smith quickly capitalised on Corbyn’s addiction by downloading the game and setting up a ‘lure’ in an alley behind Westminster. Once pokémon started to appear, it was only a matter of minutes before Corbyn ran into the alley, where Smith, Eagle and a handful of other MPs quickly grabbed him.
Corbyn’s supporters responded by crying and screaming:
“JEREMEEEEEEEEEEE, WE LOVE YOUUUUUUU!”
Although extremely unhelpful as a response it didn’t matter anyway as none of the mainstream media outlets bothered to report it.
Political pundits believe that despite the kidnapping setback Mr Corbyn will probably still win the upcoming leadership election, possibly even having to run the party which hates him from Angela Eagle’s basement where he is currently being kept.
In a letter thrown from Eagle’s basement window in the form of a paper aeroplane, Mr Corbyn said:
“Whatever the labour membership decide, I will abide by their decision. More importantly, I’ve caught six rare pokémon down here already.”