Following on from revelations that some chiropractors are utter twats who crack babies spines, a chiropractor from Hull has claimed that their particular brand of bullshit is less bullshitty than that used by the most bullshitty of chiropractors.

Helen Mauve told the BBC:

“My bullshit is only bullshit with a lower case b. Their bullshit has a big fat capital B at the front. I would never damage a baby with my internet authenticated skillz. I prefer to treat fully grown adults who should know better. Those other chiropractors are so irresponsible. I can tell you now, all my feedback has been positive. The only people who never got back to me are the ones who inexplicably had strokes.”

Helen’s comments prompted angry responses from other chiropractors, who needed to keep up their anger levels to maintain their position and continue fooling themselves that what they do isn’t a horrible and dangerous waste of time:

“Our feedback had been good too,” said one angry chiropractor from Liverpool. “Not one baby has complained. They all cried, but they do that anyway. And any injuries they get are just from the rough and tumble of infant life. It says so in the form I make the parents sign.”

One really angry chiropractor from Dorset said:

“No one realises how hard this work is. It’s really back-breaking work.”

And an angry chiropractor with a side of snark growled:

“People always end up putting down chiropractors. It’s just regression to the mean. Maybe they should look it up.”

It is thought that Helen intends to take her complaints to her local council, or some such place where she can give her opinion and look indignantly at a roomful of people at the same time. Her patients, who all look ill to varying degrees, will be coming along with her to make her opinion look founded in reality.

Meanwhile, the government continues to dismantle the NHS, where the real doctors work.