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No Such Thing as Winter Say Westerosi Climate Change Sceptics

Altered from work by TenTonParasol (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Altered from work by TenTonParasol (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Westeros is experiencing a huge rise in people calling themselves Climate Change Sceptics after winter once again failed to turn up, despite numerous warnings from House Stark that ‘winter is coming’.

We caught up with Hyldon, a smith from the Reach:

“Winter is coming, say the Starks. But what do they know, they’re all dead. They didn’t see that coming, and they didn’t see winter either. I’ve been farming this land for years, and it’s still warm. In fact, this week is even warmer than last week. Why would that happen if winter was coming?”

Almon, a former Maester from Oldtown, agrees:

“There is no such thing as Winter. It’s just a propaganda tool from the Citadel. They want to keep everyone indoors and making blankets. They’re in the pocket of Big Wool. There’s loads of sheep farmers doing really well at the moment, why is that I wonder?”

Even members of the big houses are starting to come around to the notion that winter is not coming:

“It’s been years,” said Jaime Lannister. “Where is this fabled winter? Every day, the Maester at Casterly Rock says ‘oh, soon we’ll have a white raven flying in from the citadel telling us that winter is here’. But where is it? I see no white raven. The old timers say they remember winters from when they were young, but they can barely remember who’s supposed to be fighting who in the war of the five kings, let alone the weather from decades ago.

“Look, if winter is coming, why did my dad’s armies spend so much time burning everybody’s crops? That would be a stupid thing to do wouldn’t it? I mean, we’d have nothing to eat when we get snowed in! Ridiculous. There is no such thing as winter.”

We accosted Grand Maester Pycelle outside the Red Keep in King’s Landing and asked him his thoughts on the movement:

“Well, it’s utter nonsense of course. Winter is definitely real. It is written about in many different books. These people aren’t climate change sceptics, they’re climate change deniers.”

Hyldon is having none of it:

“Pycelle is one of them! Did you see how woolly his robe was? Right in Big Wool’s pocket, he is.”

Almon nodded along.

“We know the truth. There is no such thing as winter. You know what’s coming? More summer. There’s about as much chance as winter turning up as there is of Daenerys Targaryen actually getting on a boat and coming West.

“Winter is not coming.”


One comment on “No Such Thing as Winter Say Westerosi Climate Change Sceptics

  1. A worthy addition to the genre! As author of the prototype GoTAGW piece, I accept your homage.

    Liked by 1 person

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