The Queen has personally snubbed the ‘clean for the queen’ campaign by revealing she actually likes to see a bit of filth in the streets.

“It gives one a frisson of pleasure to see untidy streets and grimy pavements,” she told former royal butler and bellend Paul Burrell, knowing that he’d leak it to the press. “The palaces are so clean it’s depresses one considerably. Seeing all those dirty litter-strewn streets, it’s enlivening for one of my age. I do love a bit of filth.”

Royal Correspondent Jennie Bond, who was once a real reporter, is said to be personally upset, but people not blinded by the ugly saccharine fug of Royalism think it’s hilarious.

“Even the Queen hates the ‘clean for the queen’ campaign,” said commie comedian John Iron. “It’s a classic case of the puppet eating the puppet master. Or some other more sensible metaphor.”

The Express have tried to ride the resulting wave of pro-litter fever by extolling the benefits for the immune system of ‘a bit of filth’. They are now encouraging people to ‘make it nasty for her majesty’, which is failing to catch on because it’s a rubbish phrase but then not much rhymes with monarch or Windsor.

The ‘clean for the queen’ campaign is the latest idea from a government who thinks the working class poor should work for free, because:

• A) it charges a special amulet that will magically transform the economy
• B) it’s good for their self-esteem
• C) it thinks they’re scum

One or more of the above options may be true.