Vic Reeves has had a meltdown this week after watching himself on a rerun of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown.

“I didn’t get one laugh. Not one,” he told comedy partner Bob Mortimer (who is still a bit funny, but if the truth be known, hit his peak with the whole Jarvis Cocker/Michael Jackson anecdote). “I just don’t know what happened. I’m mortified.”

Vic is now planning on retreating from the public eye, but not before we caught up with him for an interview:

“I wasn’t in the slightest bit funny,” Vic told us (real name Jim, which is much funnier). “I did this magic trick with eggs, and it didn’t work. I’m not sure if it was supposed to work, or if it was supposed to be funny because it didn’t work, or if I was just too busy with my pigs that day to think of something to do in dictionary corner. Whichever one it was, it wasn’t in the slightest bit funny. I wasn’t in the slightest bit funny. Eggs aren’t in the slightest bit funny. Magic isn’t even funny. In fact, I wasn’t funny at all, not once in the entire episode. It’s made me question my whole career. Was I ever funny? A grown man in a romper suit can’t be anything other than hilarious, can he? And what about my club singer impression. C’mon, surely that was funny? No?

“I had Adam Ant on Shooting Stars once. I bet he would never go on Countdown, so I must be at least funnier than Jimmy Carr [we told you, Jim is a good name for a comedian]. Having the legend (or leg end) that is Adam Ant on your show has gotta be funny. As long as he doesn’t bring his shotgun that is. And I’m damn sure I’m funnier than all those new fangled stupid Newsarseonionthumppoet so-called ‘funny satirical websites’. I am. I must be.

“Nancy, tell them I’m a hoot and a half…

Nancy… ?”

David Walliams and Gina Yashere have been warned against watching any reruns of their show appearances.