Jeremy Corbyn’s stomach has been branded disrespectful by journalists that people really shouldn’t bother with.

“It was disgraceful,” said Tony McTory in the Sun “If you leaned in close enough, Corbyn’s stomach could clearly be heard gurgling away during the minute’s silence on Remembrance Sunday.”

“I’ve never heard the like,” said Donald Donor in the Daily Mail. “All those squeaks and rumbles while people are trying to remember the dead. Corbyn’s stomach clearly wanted to promote the issue of food out of some socialist agenda. Save that stuff for Labour conferences!”

“Cameron’s stomach didn’t make a sound,” said Peter Peer in the Telegraph. “Now that is proper statemanship. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the noises had been respectful noises, but they were all random and uncouth. Probably the result of eating chips or kebabs or some such pleb food, no doubt. Corbyn’s stomach should be ashamed of itself.”

No 10 has not released an official statement, but a source from Whitehall said:

“Corbyn’s stomach has turned everyone’s stomachs at No 10. All their stomachs only make proper patriotic burbles. Jeremy Corbyn has got a lot to learn!”

Corbyn’s stomach has yet to respond, fuelling accusations that it is unelectable.