After profits hit an all time low this month, Mothercare, desperate for some media attention that distracts from their recent bad decisions have announced the following:

“Mothercare prides itself on supporting families with children. It has been brought to our attention that our name may be considered sexist in today’s modern society. We do not wish to enforce the stereotype that only mothers shop and care for their children. So, for these reasons, we feel we have no choice but to change our name to Parentcare. We sincerely hope our seven remaining loyal customers, understand.”

We couldn’t find any Parentcare customers to interview, so we’ve made up a comment, because that’s what the real tabloids do.

Rachel, a mother of two from Stoke-on-Trent told us:

“It’s a great idea. I think Mumsnet and Mumford and Sons should consider changing their names too.”

We then asked the president of Parent/Mothercare for a statement but she was too busy having cocktails and caviar with that woman from The Apprentice.