These days, every day seems to be national day for something or other. National coffee day. National frog day. National grandparents day. National conspiracy theory day. National eat crisps with your feet day. National slap yourself with a wet fish day. National fart in the bath day. And today is no exception. Today, is national make shit up day. Today, you can make as much shit up as you please and no one can tell you off. Today, you can make up a silly story about a Tory MP fucking a pig. Cos that would never ever happen and would definitely be made up shit. You can make up a fake film review or fake horoscope. Horoscopes aren’t usually made up shit, so that would make a pleasant change. You could even make up a national fake day, like national make shit up day. You could make shit up about national make shit up day. You could say it was founded by Shitty McShitstorm of Shitsville. You could say that he was born in the shitstorm of ’42 and that everything he touched turned to shit. That he was married to Shitty Sharon from Shitstown and they had three little baby shits. That he died by accidentally slipping on his own shit and smashing his skull in. That he inspired the dog shit scene in Pink Flamingos. And that that’s why today is national make shit up day. In honour of Shitty McShitstorm and his shitty life.

Go forth readers, go forth and spread the shit…