totalmovie, Living Room, Jan. 2006

Star Trek fans were devastated this morning when it was revealed that the new Star Trek series due for release in 2017 is just former series producer Rick Berman beaming – sorry, streaming – box sets of the old series’ from his living room.

Fans were elated at last night’s news that the show would be returning. Unfortunately, Alex Kurtzman, producer of the two recent films and supposed executive producer of the show, claimed to know nothing of the show’s resurrection. By this morning, CBS revealed that they had formed a deal with former Star Trek producer Rick Berman whereby he will stream the old series’ from Next Gen onwards via box sets from his own living room, providing optional drunken commentary on selected episodes.

“It’s ridiculous,” said long-term fan Bill. “We thought we were getting new Trek. But we’re just boldly going where we’ve been several times before.”

“I don’t know what the problem is,” said an unrepentant Berman. “The show is still great. Miles ahead of the poncey stuff that Jar Jar Abrams is doing on the big screen. Go back and watch every episode of The Next Generation. Not once do we have a lens flare or an excess of testosterone. This is the real Trek: long before Abrams and co got their greasy mitts on it.”

It is suspected that Berman’s deal will start a new wave of similar projects, because the overheads are so low.

CBS are apparently in talks with Joss Whedon, who plans to stream Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes from Marvel HQ when he’s on his daily exercise break in the yard.

By Rob Young from United Kingdom (Enterprise) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons