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Halloween Puts the Fear of God in Us Say Ghouls and Werewolves

Demons, ghouls and werewolves among others have gone on record this month, saying they dread Halloween to the extent that they’ve nicknamed it ‘Helloween’.

“All those pesky kids in masks threatening to egg my house if I don’t give them an eyeball gobstopper. It’s terrifying,” said Colin, a shy werewolf from ‘over the water’.

“I’m just a normal guy most of the time. I go to work and look after my children and cats. I’m even a vegetarian.

“If Halloween falls on a full moon and I answer the door in my full werewolf garb, I’ll be hounded out of the area. I’ll lose my job. My wife will leave me and I’ll be put in a carnival freak show. But if I don’t answer the door, those little twonks will throw eggs at my house and wake the baby up. I can’t win”.

Gilly, a vampire from Liverpool, told us: “I’m a loner. I can’t be arsed playing nice to a bunch of snot-nosed kids. They knock on my door just before dusk, wake me up from a beautiful nightmare and stand there dressed as Dracula. They even don’t know that Dracula looks like a friendly 90 year-old blind woman. The tabloids exaggerate everything and that Bram Stoker’s got a lot to answer for.”

Jester Pester, a poltergeist from nearby, told us: “I don’t do half of the things I get the blame for. It’s the cat that jumps on the bed that wakes them. It’s the breeze from the window that moves the paper and the it’s the shadow from the wardrobe that scares them at night. Come Helloween, I’m accused of everything that goes wrong, when all I really want to do is watch In the Night Garden. I’m the ghost of a one year old, how on earth do they think I can move their dead mother’s jewellery into a drawer I can’t even reach?”

This Halloween, please be respectful of those around you and try not to egg anyone.

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