ITV have received tens of thousands of complaints this week after coverage of the rugby was replaced by The X Factor.

“It’s a bloody disgrace,” said sports fan Wally. “I was just getting into the rugby and then they went and axed it for Shite Factor. Now I’ll never know what happened to my favourite rugby characters. I wouldn’t mind so much, but last year’s sodding winner was so middle of the road that he was stood in the middle of the road that leads to the middle of the road. He was so bloody generic that I couldn’t pick him out of a lineup of generic X Factor factory-made buffoons. I miss Rhydian. At least he could sing, and he had that Billy Idol thing going on, but these days, I think they just air the same three episodes over and over and over and over and hope no one notices.”

In an exclusive interview with The Sceptical Poet, The X Factor have confirmed that Wally’s theory is indeed true. They also confirmed that years before they just showed episodes on repeat, they used to bring out the same few boys and girls on a rotating schedule to play the non winners, but nobody ever noticed.

“What are you going to do about it?” Simon Cowell asked. “I even admitted to just plucking singers from fame academies and you still watched. Don’t go whinging now you’ve finally cottoned on that the show is shit. If you want, I’ll axe the show – which quite frankly, I’m sick of now anyway – and I’ll replace myself, I mean the show, with old episodes of You Bet. Is that what you really want? Think long and hard. Oh, you do. Oh, er, okay… “

We tried to find Rhydian to ask his opinion on the rugby vs X Factor debate, but B&Q wouldn’t let us in the staff room, so we asked last year’s winner, ‘generic boy number 3’ for his opinion, if he has one.

He replied: “Huh? Would you like fries with that, sir?”

Reruns of You Bet start next Saturday.