Jennifer Wiggins claims that a trip to Whitby left her feeling down hearted, after she failed to be inspired to write a best selling novel.

After reading online that everyone has one good novel in them, Jennifer, 47, finally decided to find her mojo.

Appearing on The Wright Show this morning, she said:

“I tried sitting in a coffee shop like JK Rowling and that didn’t work. I tried hallucinogenic drugs like Hunter S Thompson and that didn’t work either. I even tried doing a Cameron with a pig’s head but that was just icky. I also don’t have a penis.

“When I arrived at the popular Yorkshire seaside resort, famous for inspiring Bram Stoker’s Dracula, it was dreary and overcast. I paid a bloody fortune to look at an 8-stone cape and some derelict ruins with a shit-load of steps, and nothing happened. Nada. Zilch.

“I didn’t see a single ghost, goth or vampire, and I wasn’t in the least bit inspired to do anything other than eat over-priced fish ‘n’ chips and get fat. I don’t even like fish. And I wasn’t even allowed to the feed the seagulls my leftovers. What the hell kind of place was this?”

The Wright Show is famous in the UK for its in-depth discussions and phone-ins on the things that really matter. Along with Jennifer’s story, today’s episode also featured a poll on the impending beard backlash, and a discussion on the disintegration of the persistence of cheque books.

Nobody cared about Jennifer’s story due to the breaking news that James Bond has been shot in a Monte Carlo casino. That and almost nobody watches the show because it’s on when people are in work. Jennifer went home on the bus alone and cried.

Update: Jenny also failed to find her fortune or her mojo in Tokyo, Paris or Scarborough, so will be suing them also.

Further Update: It’s suspected Jenny doesn’t actually have a mojo, unless by mojo you mean a chewy sweet.

Another Further Update: Jenny has never tried hallucinogenic drugs, she just wanted to sound cool.

And Another: Whitby doesn’t actually have a tourist board (probably).