After reading online that everyone has one good novel in them, Jennifer, 47, finally decided to find her mojo.
Appearing on The Wright Show this morning, she said:
“I tried sitting in a coffee shop like JK Rowling and that didn’t work. I tried hallucinogenic drugs like Hunter S Thompson and that didn’t work either. I even tried doing a Cameron with a pig’s head but that was just icky. I also don’t have a penis.
“When I arrived at the popular Yorkshire seaside resort, famous for inspiring Bram Stoker’s Dracula, it was dreary and overcast. I paid a bloody fortune to look at an 8-stone cape and some derelict ruins with a shit-load of steps, and nothing happened. Nada. Zilch.
“I didn’t see a single ghost, goth or vampire, and I wasn’t in the least bit inspired to do anything other than eat over-priced fish ‘n’ chips and get fat. I don’t even like fish. And I wasn’t even allowed to the feed the seagulls my leftovers. What the hell kind of place was this?”
The Wright Show is famous in the UK for its in-depth discussions and phone-ins on the things that really matter. Along with Jennifer’s story, today’s episode also featured a poll on the impending beard backlash, and a discussion on the disintegration of the persistence of cheque books.
Nobody cared about Jennifer’s story due to the breaking news that James Bond has been shot in a Monte Carlo casino. That and almost nobody watches the show because it’s on when people are in work. Jennifer went home on the bus alone and cried.
Update: Jenny also failed to find her fortune or her mojo in Tokyo, Paris or Scarborough, so will be suing them also.
Further Update: It’s suspected Jenny doesn’t actually have a mojo, unless by mojo you mean a chewy sweet.
Another Further Update: Jenny has never tried hallucinogenic drugs, she just wanted to sound cool.
And Another: Whitby doesn’t actually have a tourist board (probably).