Millions of users were left befuddled and shaken this week as Facebook crashed for almost an hour.  

“It felt like a lifetime. Was it really only an hour?” said one user “I don’t ever want to feel that level of numbness again. I have made twenty-four Facebook memes in memory of my lost hour of misery in Facebookless abyss.”

Many Facebookians resorted to asking Twitter if Facebook had crashed. It had. It does sometimes. Sometimes things die. 

One user even resorted to asking Google+ but she didn’t get an answer. No one ever does.

Once normal Facebook service was resumed a whole earth hour later, users swapped survival stories. 

Some wondered whether it was true that Facebook had faked the crash in order to steal their photographs to make Star Wars mosaics. They had. Probably. Spread the word. 

Our survey says, that if Facebook dies, or plays up in any way whatsoever, it is almost certainly a way of stealing your data or tricking you into feeling depressed so they can market expensive ‘feel good’ products at you. 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my Pandora bracelet and Viagra, but I’m sure I’ll think of something.