The long awaited new series of the 80s children’s television classic Danger Mouse has been outed as a fake this week by a disgruntled fan.
“They’ve just rereleased the same old shoddy episodes with a fancy arse new theme tune,” said Keith from Grumpsville.
Keith is famous for not liking change, and for being a bit of a miserable git, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t like the new show. You should have seen his face when we told him they’d remade He-Man with the voice of Danny Dyer. They haven’t. Well, not yet anyway…
The makers of the new Danger Mouse said:
“We didn’t think any of the original audience would be watching anyway. We figured they’d all be homeless drug addicts by now. We never dreamed anyone would cotton on to the fact that we’ve just rereleased the same badly drawn 80s episodes. We haven’t even remastered them. That costs money y’know. And If anyone did comment on the new show’s antique feel, we were just going to pretend we were being retro. Retro is trendy now, isn’t it? Retro and beards.”
The new theme tune is rumoured to be a Mark Ronson remix. Or possibly a Jon Ronson remix. One of them. We’re not sure of the difference.
The makers of the show have publicly and personally apologised to Keith for his disappointment, but he’s having none of it. He is trying his hardest to get his ‘New DM is Shite, Get It Out of My Sight’ rap to go viral. He’s not having much luck as most people think the new Danger Mouse is okay.
“It’s inoffensive and I can’t remember what the original music sounded like anyway,” said Colin, also from Grumpsville.
ITV, who aired the original series, responded to Keith’s criticisms with the following:
“If Keith doesn’t like our television shows, he can fuck off and watch a pay per view channel.”
Not only is the hero a smart, brave 7th-grade girl but she’s also an immigrant from Barbados, and a self-described nerd who got an A in geometry. She’s even a cat owner. Well done, DreamWorks.
While adults will be unmoved by this loud, fast-paced movie — the cinematic equivalent of mainlining liquid Haribo — younger viewers will lap up the kaleidoscopic aliens and sentimental life lessons.